side note:

sometimes, i hate you, wordpress.

no javascript? No addthis? no google analytics?

you suck.

and you leave me no choice but to do stupid shortcuts like this:

with straight HTML.

what is this? 1994?

Let’s Give ‘em Something to Blog About

A. of all, I’m not dead, or abducted, or without internet.

B. Thank you to everyone who said they missed my posts.

3. I finally have something exciting to blog about, so here goes….

On Monday, Em and I signed/put our deposit down on a brand-new house. w00t and whatnot! We are building ‘er from the ground up, so we get to customize like everything, which is purty durn flippin’ sweet.

I’ll try to post pics as we take them… right now the only one we have is of us on an small, empty, dirty lot w/ a big “KB HOME - SOLD” sign… but dammit, that’s OUR small, empty, dirty lot.

And special thanks to soon-to-be-neighbors Eliot & Kristi, Josh & Kayle, and Hutch & Jess, who all took the time to light some fire under our butts in the whole house-purchasing/building process.

Stay tuned, kids. This could = more blogs, so everyone can get off my arse about being a lazy blogger.

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Another Boring Post

Hell hath no fury like a blogger scorned.

This morning at work I was checking my personal email and saw that I had a comment on here. Funny, I haven’t written anything in forever… who would comment now? What would they say even?

Exhibit A:

I read your blog. I was bored. Not me personally at the moment before I began reading, but while I was reading it. I was bored.

WHAT? I was taken aback at first. Surely, everybody will have their critics, but who would write this? Why now?

The Culprit: Marsha Pearce, the wife of my boss. [Side Note: I'm on thin ice here... I have the right to defend myself... but she sleeps with the guy who signs my paychecks. Nonetheless, my rebuttal follows.]

I quickly sent an email asking her to further explain her comment.

Exhibit B (Her Response):

Yes, reading your blog was boring. I was BORED reading your blog. I thought to myself “I will open Murrell’s blog and see what he has to say,” and I was bored after reading a few entries. I find your blog boring. Do you want to know which part specifically bored me?”

(In addition to ragging my blog, she poked fun at the signature at the bottom of my emails, by ending her email with this…)

Marsha Pearce

President/CEO

Pearce Homestead and Child Mgmt.

Well, a few more emails exchanged about what specifically she found boring: The Office (US) Countdowns, TV recaps, etc. Apparently she only read my last 3 entries.

Well, it’s time to fight fire with fire. If my posts cause boredom, her’s cause comas. I would much rather read about your kids, your house, or your Family Vacation than my silly work anecdotes.

“NOT!”

Here’s a few riveting excerpts:

[Name Withheld] participated in the Olympic Day at school they have each year. All the classes participate and [Name Withheld] decided to run hurdles, obstacle course and long jump as his events. It was so much fun watching him in these. I didn’t get very many pictures without his tongue hanging out!!! That is his trademark when he concentrates! He got ribbons for all three events and placed third in the long jump! He was very proud of his ribbons and rightfully so! He worked extra hard for this! Way to go, [Name Withheld]!!! Keep up the good work!

Yippee!!!! Yahoo(TM) for [Name Withheld]! Golly that was a good time! Thanks for sharing that with EVERYBODY ON THE INTERNET. My son is in a wheelchair and he can’t participate in these games. Thanks for rubbing his disability and my failures as a parent in my face!!!

So we finally did a small remodel to our living/dining room. For those of you who remember, we have that really LONG room with no separation of the two rooms. We had always said we wanted to somehow divide the room without it being awkward or making the rooms feel too small. Well, we found a carpenter and described to him our idea and this is what he came up with! Two half-walls with a column that ties in to the ceiling!…

Oh No! You must secretly think your husband is as incompetent as Tim Allen!!!! Talk about “Home Improvement”s!! Get it?! Thank you so much for reminding me that I LIVE IN A CRAPPY APARTMENT AND EVEN AFFORD A NEW AIR FILTER, MUCH LESS A RENOVATION!!!1

Let me start with I’m not complaining. I got up to find Scott had made lunches. I was out of sandwich bags and had not made it to the store. So when I went into the kitchen and saw this on the counter, I couldn’t help but ask him, [Note: this post included pictures of trick-or-treat style wrapped sandwiches in cling wrap.] “Do you want some ribbon to go with those?” I can’t tell you what he said to me But he had carefully wrapped their sandwiches and chips and then twisted them up and used scotch tape to keep them closed. I mean, really. Look at them! All they needed was some ribbon and a few of those curly-q ribbons to finish them off, don’t you agree??!!! Actually, we both got a big laugh out of it and I ran out that morning to get sandwich bags ….. no need to give him any ideas for the next morning, huh???!!!!!! Honey, you can pack those lunches any way you want … I appreciate you doing it!!!!

My husband is a homo. This is the most interesting thing I could find to write about.

Wow, I’m sorry Marsha. Your blog is so much more interesting than mine. In fact, I’m so emotionally hopped-up, I need to take a few shots of whiskey and a bottle of Vicodin just to calm down. You should put some sort of warning label on your page!

[As a total side-note, my lovely wife thinks Marsha and I are both lame for even blogging in the first place. I agree with that.]

And if you happen to see a sudden rise in how many times I post, its because I was recently fired.

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Scott the Tyrant

Yes, I forwent (is that the past-tense of “forgo?”) sharing this yesterday, because I was muy excitedo about The Office (US) returning to TV.

However: ba-da dunt dunt dunt, (another one bites the dust.)

Yeppers, I had to fire another employee. I say “I” but really I made my boss do it, because the last kid begged and cried, and I couldn’t handle that again. However, he fired him in my Office (US) on Thursday, so I was present for the whole ordeal. This means if another termination must occur, it’s my turn. [Insert Debbie Downer soundbite here.]

I won’t go into detail on the reasoning behind it, but I gotta say this: I truly liked the kid. Partly because he and I were from TOTALLY different realms of life, but we still got along. For instance, He is in a rap group. I am a honkey. [Technically, he is too, but that's beside the point.] He had a rough exterior, but a good heart. I have only two parts to my personality: Sarcastic and Asleep. And I liked him. So that’s what makes it hard.

The last kid I fired; eh. Knew him a couple of weeks, knew he wouldn’t make it, no dirt off my teeth.

But this guy… I really wanted him to succeed. Probably too much, because we continually found rationalizations to keep him on board, and made lots of exceptions for him. But in the end we had to do what was best for the business AND him, so we let him go.

That’s 3 months of Management under my belt… and 2 terminations. Damn, I wouldn’t want to work for me. I’m a dictator.

… and how many of you went back and re-read the “ba-da dunt dunt dunt” after you got to “another one bites the dust?” … yeah, that’s what I thought. Bah Bah, my little sheep… baaaaah baaaaah.
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SPOILER ALERT

Warning; If you have not seen the new episode of THE OFFICE (US) DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER — you have been warned.

Let’s recap:

Dwight is still fighting for Michael’s attention.

Jan’s boobs are still huge.

Pam and Jim are still together and awesome

Michael still has a confusing love life.

Andy is still a Douchebag.

Angela is trying to hide her ever-growing preggers belly.

Only 165.5 hours until the NEXT episode!

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Reason to Live

Thank goodness.

Television is starting to be good again. I’ve been surviving off scraps of The History Channel, Discovery Channel, and CSI Reruns on Spike. Biggest Loser has been my only true sustenance lately…

But lo! A light at end of Yon Tunnel!

Last Week: Hell’s Kitchen [the best show on television] started a new season
Tomorrow: The Office (US) [second best show on television] has several new episodes.

Dear Writers,

Please never strike again. kthx.

-Scott

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Typical Tuesday Night

Just a glimpse of my weeknight:

Whilst watching Biggest Loser (and eating directly out of a carton of chocolate ice cream perched in my lap), Mark came on. He was sitting in front of the TV eating ice cream from a carton perched in his lap. With the spoon still in my mouth I uttered, “What a fat slob.”
My wife laughed uncontrollably for about 7 minutes afterward.
I continued eating my ice cream.

Later the contestants were doing box-jumps. I insisted I could do box jumps at least that high. My wife commented “maybe 10 years ago in high school.”
I proved her wrong.
I cannot move my lower back.

I got up to get myself a glass of punch. I was explaining the siphoning method to Emma with a straw and the glass of punch. I siphoned half the punch into another glass that was sitting on the coffee table. I gave Em the fresh glass and quickly downed the “old” glass with punch in it.
“What was that glass from?” Emma asked when she saw the disgusted look on my face.
“Did you have a glass of milk with dinner?” I asked, trying to determine what caused the nasty taste.
To which she responded: “Not tonight.”

The evening ending with a discussion on the proper procedure for cleaning one’s… self after a BM. (My argument: Because, what if whatever you do is wrong? It’s not like [m]any people see you do it, nor do you see them do it, so how can it be corrected? You’d never know if “your way” was not the social norm…)

My wife makes it impossible to be bored.

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Drinking Gasoline

Besides being a halfway decent mid-80’s ambient CD release by Cabaret Voltaire (the band, not the club in Zürich), it pretty much sums up my day, because:

A. Today was hard to swallow at times.

B. I literally drank gasoline… kinda… a little… more on that later.

Anywell, today started okay enough. Meeting w/ the Techs in the AM, lunch meeting with the bossman @ noonish, out to do a few field work items in the afternoon. I get all the way to the Northside of Lakeland [For those of you not from around here, its like a different town. Like 30 minutes away.] and a Tech on the FAR Southside [probably close to 45 minutes away] calls and explains his main engine went down.

I’ll skip the mid-parts and get right to the meet of the story. 2 Hours and several failed attempts to fix the problem himself, I had him come back to the shop and cut my day short so I could get my hands on the problem.

Low on Oil? Nope, oil is fine.

Spark Plug bad? Doesn’t look bad. Lets replace it anyway. Oh crap, the key-start doesn’t work.

::Yanks on pull-start::

::Pull-start breaks off in hand::

::Says many cusswords not appropriate for blog::

20 minutes later, new spark plug in, pull cord fix… engine still won’t turn over. I called my boss in frustration, and he showed up… and couldn’t fix the durn thing either.

All the while we were commenting on how funny the gasoline looked/smelled. We open the tank and low and behold, the gas looks… “funny.” I’m no mechanic, but by God I know my way around a socket set, and that gas just ain’t right. So we open the bottom of the fuel line and the gas coming out still appears strange. Bossman wants to let it all drain out a 1/16″ hose on the bottom of the engine. I say we should siphon the gas out, it’ll go a lot faster.

::blink blink::

Both my boss and tech stare at me for even suggesting such a thing. I was holding a perfectly good piece of hose, why not?

“Well, fine, you do it!” my boss said.

“I will! Ya’ll need to quit being a bunch of titbabies. It’s just gasoline.” [Yes, I called my direct supervisor and my direct subordinate 'titbabies'... but its perfectly acceptable while working in a garage environment.]

Anyway, a quick lesson in physics and air pressure later, and the gas is flowing. Yeah, I got a little in my mouth, but it sure beat waiting 45 minutes.

Whelp, after we drained the gas we determined my problem. The Tech had used the Gas/Oil Mix Can instead of the straight Gas Can in the engine. All this, after like 3 hours of real “work.”

I can’t wait to tell him tomorrow what was wrong.

In a completely unrelated incident, I’m trying to figure out why I’m experiencing killer heartburn tonight.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So due to my halfway decent response to the previous blog, I decided to check my stats today to see if any of the posters received any readers from my end for once.

I scrolled down a little farther, and in the Search Engine Terms I found…. (drumroll)….

“Murrell Mushrooms”

You see, my last name is Murrell, and in a recent post I must have used the word “mushroom” about 15 times. So because of all this, The Ranting Welshman is actually the number 8 result on Google when you search with that criteria.

I can see the confusion. “Morel” (More-Ell) is a type of fungus, “Murrell” (Mur-Rell) is just a fun-guy.

[Yes, I stole that joke from Michael's comment on the above post.]

At least I don’t have as many hits as Steve does for the search term “naked man.” Creepy.

And actually, while I’m passing the link love around, I’ll point out that Mike (admittedly) blog-jacked my previous post. But it’s cool.

Murrell Mushrooms. Ha.
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It has come to my attention…

I check my stats about… every week or so. I’m not big on numbers or who reads this… if you read it and like it, cool, welcome to my twisted world. If you read it an hate it, cool. If you read it and never come back… well, you see where I’m going with this (read: “cool”).

However, it’s come to my attention that the number of “hits” (I think that’s the blogging term, right?) far outweighs the number of “people” that “I actually know”… (yes, those were air quotes.)

So, if I don’t personally know you outside of the Blogdom, I’d like ya’ll to introduce yourselves. I’m just curious… I have a couple of friends that call me Whiskers.
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